Remember, Remember, The LinkedIn Pretender

Every November, we remember the man who tried to blow up Parliament.
This year, it’s time to light a match under something else.

Remember, remember, the LinkedIn Pretender
The engagement, the metrics, the plot.
I see no reason why LinkedIn’s pretension should ever be forgot.

The Gunpowder Under Parliament Street

Over 4 months ago, under this mask I declared I wouldn't play the algorithm game. That post reached 4,694 people - more than any carefully optimised "value post" I'd ever crafted. The irony wasn't lost on me: the algorithm rewards authenticity, even when that authenticity challenges the algorithm itself.

Today, I watch the same theatrical performance play out daily. The 50,000-follower celebrations. The "movements" that move nothing. The synchronised organic community building. The street performers are passing their digital caps to audiences who've already dispersed - but they were never there to buy anyway.

The Empty Calorie Economy

Every morning, my feed serves the same reheated bland meal:

• "5 Traits of Effective Leaders" (Trait 6: Stop reading lists)
• "I hit [number] followers! Here's what I learned" (You learned to count)
• "Leadership isn't about control, it's about conviction" (Posted while sending 200 InMails per week)
• "Focus on value, not metrics" (In a post entirely about metrics)
• “Authenticity sells best when it’s staged” 

We're gorging on empty calories, wondering why we're professionally malnourished. Like eating crisps for every meal then questioning why we're winded at the top of the stairs.

The Mirage in the Desert

They call it a "community" - this accumulation of followers who'll never buy, connections who'll never collaborate, commenters who'll never commit. It's not a movement; it's a mirage.

We’re chasing validation in deserts of attention - and calling it connection.

Watch any influencer's actual engagement versus their follower count. Notice how the comments are always from the same dozen people. Calculate the conversion rate from "transformation" posts to actual change.

The math doesn't lie, even when the messaging does.

Among the Pretenders - The Vanity Metrics Trap

But here's what they don't want you to know: You don't need their permission to succeed.

While they're farming engagement, you could be:

• Solving real problems that matter.
• Building genuine expertise that lasts.
• Creating connections that convert to opportunities.
• Developing IP that's actually yours.

Your authentic connections will outperform their 10,000 ghosts every time. Because when you need Crew for a real voyage, you need sailors, not spectators.

The Pretenders seek applause. The Crew seek adventure.
One lives for likes, the other lives for legacy.

The Choice Before You

Every time you post, you stand at a crossroads:

Path A: Join the chorus. Celebrate meaningless milestones. Trade authenticity for algorithms. Send 200 InMails per week. Manufacture urgency. Become another LinkedIn Pretender, lost in the noise of ten thousand identical voices.

Path B: Chart your own course. Stand for something. Risk being ignored by many to be valued by few. Build slowly but solidly. Create content that changes minds, not just metrics.

The Warning Shot

This isn't about 50,000 followers. It's about choosing whether those connections mean something. It's about deciding if your professional presence will be fast food or fine dining. Quality over quantity.

To those building "revolutionary movements" that revolutionise nothing... To those preaching authenticity while performing algorithmic theatre... To those selling transformation while delivering only transaction...

The mask sees through your mask.

I'd rather captain a sturdy vessel with a Crew of twelve than a ghost ship with fifty thousand shadows.

Be Better. You Deserve It.

Your future self deserves better than becoming another engagement farmer, another coach without clients, another thought leader without thoughts.

Patterns are there to be broken. You're capable of refining what you see. The algorithm rewards conformity. Your career rewards courage.

Choose wisely.

Others will DM quietly, saying "Finally, someone said it." To you, I say: stop whispering. Your voice matters more than your metrics.

The Promise

We don't need to blow up Parliament. We just need to stop pretending the performance is politics. Stop mistaking the theatre for reality. Stop feeding the machine that's starving our profession of genuine discussion.

If you're tired of the empty calories... If you're done with the mutual back-scratching... If you're ready to trade your mask for authentic impact...

Welcome to the Crew. We sail by different stars, and we're charting waters where algorithms can't follow.

Remember, remember, the LinkedIn Pretender
The engagement, the coaching, the plot.
I see no reason why LinkedIn's pretension should ever be forgot.

The cap’s been passed. But instead of coins, I’m asking for courage - the courage to be genuine in a world of generated content. The courage to build slowly in a world demanding instant gratification. The courage to matter to few rather than mean nothing to many.

If you’ve read this far, you already feel it too. 🏴‍☠️